Waiting with Baited Breath, watching paint dry and grasping sand. Frustrating, pointless and stupid. All random feelings associated with dating. Where am I going with this… Dating of course…the do’s and dont’s.
Negotiating the difference between enthusiasm and investment. Maintaining a healthy level of excitement without being devastated, if it doesn’t work out.
Dating is like going to the gym, you look forward to the outcome so much that you fail to enjoy the process and everything in between. The product, i.e. getting a boyfriend, girlfriend, sex is so important that when the results you sought don’t materialize you are crushed. Then you are left wondering, why it is you allowed yourself to become so invested?
Investment: is the key to the problem.
Being excited doesn’t mean being invested, especially when dating. You should look at dating as an at will contract. You may leave at will without notice and so can your date. There are no responsibilities or obligations, it would be nice if people were thoughtful or considerate and had discussions as to why your co-mingling was ending.
But the cold hard facts are they don’t owe you anything… at all.
We can’t allow ourselves to become invested in dates. That diminishes the concept of getting to know each other and the possibilities associated with the experience. Openness equals fluidity, flexibility and options. Because who knows you might be the one to opt-out after a few weeks.
Dating is not marriage and should not carry those expectations. Even marriage has an at-will clause attached to it, but we don’t know it until it’s exercised. So the point, Date, have fun, but don’t confuse your fantasy with reality and don’t attach. After all there really is no reason too: a date is just a date.
Ciao
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So then it is fair to say even if one is dating for several months or a couple of years that no expectations should develop until a relationship is committed to by both parties?
Yes, I would say that’s fair, if it’s established that you are still dating after seven months or a year. Which in my opinion means you might want to move on from that person.